Recovery was the key in achieving my dream life

I’m grateful to say I'm living my dream life, and humble enough to know none of it would be possible if I was still in active addiction.

These days I am in the best shape of my life, workout daily, drive a new truck, and never worry about my bills. I’m living in a beautiful suburban house with my family, and went from jobless with $38,000 in debt during active addiction to generating a 500k yearly income the past 4 years in a row. It’s July 27th 2024 as I write this, and the objective of this is to truly show you that if I can do it, so can you. The golden ticket is sobriety.

12/31/2018 was the last time I watched my blood draw into the rig before shooting myself with dope,

watching the last few drops leave the needle knowing I had only a few seconds to pull it out before the electricity surged through my body. In the end methamphetamine was my drug of choice, but only to stop drinking and doing cocaine 5 days a week. Great substitute I thought, oh how naive I was.

This story started 8 years before that day.

Like most kids I knew, I was a rebel. I started drinking and smoking weed when I was 12, which escalated quickly to an urge to try every drug there was. I was one of those kids that wanted to experience everything, to know what I liked the most. By 14 drinking became a daily habit where my first question would always be

you gotta bottle?

anytime someone wanted to hangout. I started selling weed around this time, and would sell every drug I could find so I could get high for free. I tried a plethora of drugs from 14-16; I said yes anytime anyone got anything. I loved cocaine immediately, for a number of reasons. That habit would quickly turn into multiple times a week, whenever I could get my hands on it.

Fast forward to 2015,

my life was an endless party and I was always the last one up. 5am when everyone was passing out on the floor I’d still be there railing lines, smoking cigarettes, and taking shots. I had gotten fired from 10+ jobs from the ages of 15-20, usually lasting 5-6 months at each gig. I started smoking meth because my coke plug got arrested and I didn’t know anyone else that could provide it on a regular basis. Once I realized how cheap meth was it was a no brainer for me. I didn't like to drink while doing meth, and would actually function at work (in the very beginning) while high, so off to the races I went. I was happy to not be drinking, and didn’t see the trajectory of where it would take me. I don't think any of us do.

The first time I shot up was in a trap house in Minneapolis.

I was picking up and the dealer told me I couldn’t watch what he was about to do, so he left me and the rest of the addicts in the living room as he went elsewhere. My ego got in the way and I took it as a

you’re not good enough for this

when in reality the guy was trying to save us from going down that dark path. Regardless, later that afternoon he went again. This time I followed, and walked into the room right as he pulled the rig out of his arm. The look on his face was anger, then suddenly changed to that euphoria I would chase everyday. Chase until I was skin and bones with eyes sunk to hell.  He ended up shooting me up that day, I would go back to that trap house almost daily and he’d do the same. Sell me dope, load the rig, and shoot me up. He said he would not teach me how to do it on my own to make sure it didn’t become a habit. Eventually he became annoyed with the routine and taught me how to do it. Annoyed with how quickly I could find a vein compared to him. That didn't last long, before I knew it shooting up was a multi-hour process poking around until it looked like a crime scene.

December 31st 2018 was a day I'll never forget.

I was sitting on my twin mattress in my room, looking at the bare room. I had run out of dope and couldn’t find any more. I could have left to go downtown and find some on the streets as I had in the past, but I was too weak and beaten. That happened dozens of times in the years I was shooting, but this time was different. This time a new flame was lit inside of me, a flame that said the party was over. That was the first time in my life I admitted to myself I was an addict, not just to meth but an addict in general. I also admitted to myself that in order to live a normal life I had to quit everything, because I couldn’t control myself with anything. At the time I didn’t know what the 12 steps were but had executed step one perfectly. They really do work.

There is a lot that happened during my time in active addiction, I had my lowest moments during that period of my life. If you’re in active addiction or working the steps in recovery, my heart extends to you. I understand the intense desire to get well while battling self doubt, defeat, and hopelessness.

But I also understand what is on the other side.

Being normal isn’t boring, you can make it exceptional. It's incredibly fun, rewarding, and fulfilling.

As long as you keep going, one day at a time. 

-Steve Hendrickson