Confidence is key

I lost a lot of confidence during my addiction,

and in early recovery I spent a lot of time analyzing to find out why. The two biggest reasons I lost confidence with myself was because I failed to do what I told myself I was going to do, and did not address my insecurities. I used drugs and alcohol as an excuse to procrastinate on tasks, and I used drugs and alcohol to mask my insecurities instead of addressing them

‍
When we tell ourselves we are going to do something and fail to do it,we lose confidence.

Even small tasks, like taking out the trash. Imagine you commit to yourself to taking out the trash before lunch time, then lunch comes around and the trash is still there. You’ve now lied to yourself, and subconsciously told yourself you aren’t reliable. That simple task has lowered your self confidence.

My strategy for completing the tasks I tell myself I’m going to do is simple; I use my calendar! The calendar app on my phone, I use it religiously. I make a “to-do” list every night before I go to sleep. That to-do list is for everything I will get done the next day. This allows me to track exactly what I told myself I would do, and ensure it doesn’t get forgotten. It's incredibly satisfying to put the green check mark next to the task when I’m done. I have found immense confidence in doing what I tell myself I’m going to do.

Now let's talk about my insecurities.

This one was the hardest for me, but proved to reap the biggest reward. Through mentors, reading, and learning about self awareness, I figured out the biggest areas of insecurity I had with myself. I drank to take the edge off around people. I used to be scared of crowds, shy around people, and nervous about people judging me. I drank to alleviate those concerns. I overcame those fears through door knocking in early recovery to sell roofs, while studying communication to understand how to interact with others effectively.

Another major insecurity for me was how I felt about my body. I did cocaine for years before my meth addiction because It would allow me to drink while not gaining a ton of weight because I wasn’t eating much. I did meth because I thought it would make me skinny, and while it did, I didn’t like the deranged facial expressions that came with it. Overcoming this took more time and financial resources, but they were goals I put on my calendar and obsessed over until I achieved them. I began going to the gym 1 week after my sobriety date, and continue to hit the gym to this day. That will be discussed in another blog post, but I weigh my food and count my macros while working out very hard. I am grateful to be in the best shape of my life. Hard work really does pay off.

Beyond my body, my teeth were a major insecurity for me. I also put that on my calendar as a goal and worked my ass off. At the end of my first year selling roofs I rewarded myself with brand new teeth. 2 implants and 28 crowns. The whitest shade the dentist had.

It was the best investment of my early recovery and something I highly recommend, especially for my fellow recovering meth addicts.

All in all, stay true to yourself.

The most important thing is to do what you say you’re going to do. If you do that you’ll start to build your confidence back. It takes discipline, and most of the time you won’t want to do it. Have your end goal in mind.

Once you have that kind of confidence, you can take over the fucking world.